You Don’t Have to Decide Straight Away
Pregnancy, birth and postnatal care can involve a lot of conversations that sound simple on the surface.
A midwife, doctor, consultant, or another member of your maternity team might come in and say:
“We’re just going to…”
“We’ll get you booked in for…”
“The doctor wants to…”
“I’m just going to check…”
It might be said kindly. It might be said casually. It might be said as though it is just the next obvious step.
But sometimes, the way something is said can make it feel as though the decision has already been made.
And if something is being offered, recommended, or done as part of your care, you should have space to understand what it is and decide whether you want to go ahead.
That is one way I can support you.
Not by speaking over you, and not by deciding for you, but by helping create a little bit of space so you can ask questions, take in what is being said, and decide whether or not you consent.
Sometimes that space is just a breath, a hand on your shoulder, or a quiet, “Do you need a minute?”
A small reminder that you can ask questions before you answer.
Decisions can come thick and fast
You might be asked about tests, scans, induction, monitoring, place of birth, pain relief, feeding, visitors, your recovery, your baby’s care, or what kind of support you want around you.
And sometimes, even when people are being kind and well-meaning, a question, suggestion, or recommendation can feel like it needs an immediate answer.
But often, you do not have to decide straight away.
The pause matters
You can always pause.
In an emergency, that pause may be very small. It might only be a breath, a clear question, or a moment to understand what is being recommended. But the pause still matters.
It is not about being difficult, ignoring medical advice, or saying no to everything. It is about having enough information, enough time where possible, and enough space to notice what feels right for you.
That is part of consent, too. Not just saying yes or no, but understanding what is being offered, feeling able to ask questions, and knowing that your answer matters.
The NHS guidance on consent explains this clearly. For pregnancy and birth, Birthrights also has helpful information about consent, choice and your right to make decisions about your own body and care.
Of course, there may be moments where something genuinely is urgent. There may be times when a decision needs to be made quickly because you or your baby need immediate care.
But even then, clear communication still matters. You can still ask what is happening, what is being recommended, and you should still be spoken to with respect.
A simple way to ask questions
One simple way to create that pause is to use BRAIN, sometimes written as BRAINS. It is a simple decision-making tool that can help you organise your questions when something is being offered or recommended.
You do not have to remember it perfectly. It is not a script, a test, or something to get right.
It might simply help you ask: What are the benefits? What are the risks? What else could we do? What is my gut telling me? What happens if we wait, do nothing, or decide “not now”? Would it help to speak to someone else?
That is the heart of it.
A way to pause, ask what you need to ask, and come back to what matters most to you.
These questions are part of shared decision-making: care that includes you, your options, your circumstances, and what matters to you.
Where I fit in
This is where I can be a steady presence beside you.
I cannot make decisions for you, and I would never want to. Your choices are yours.
But I can help you notice when something feels unclear, rushed, or overwhelming. I can help you hold onto the questions you wanted to ask. And where you want more information, I can help you find evidence-based information so that you can make an informed choice.
Sometimes that might mean helping you prepare questions before an appointment. Sometimes it might mean sitting with you afterwards, looking at what you were told, and finding evidence-based information to help you feel clearer before speaking again with your midwife or consultant.
During birth, it might simply be creating a tiny pause so you can hear yourself think.
Not because I know the answer.
But because you deserve enough space to find yours.
This matters postnatally, too
This does not only apply to pregnancy and birth. It can apply postnatally, too.
When you are tired, recovering, feeding your baby, hearing different advice, or managing other people’s expectations, you still get to take time. You can say, “Let me think about that.” You can change your mind. You can decide what feels manageable for you and your family.
I am not there to take over
Sometimes it helps to have someone beside you who can stay steady when things feel rushed, help you make sense of what is being said, and remind you that your voice belongs in the room too.
Not by adding another opinion.
Not to push you towards mine.
Just to stay beside you while you find yours.
And sometimes support is simply this:
“You don’t have to decide straight away.”
You are allowed to pause.
You are allowed to ask.
You are allowed to take up space in your own care.